


Tight Fit

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Established Relationship, Futurefic, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-03
Updated: 2004-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 07:57:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex has a special favour to ask of Clark.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tight Fit

## Tight Fit

by iykwim

<http://www.livejournal.com/users/iykwim>

* * *

_This was a bad idea_ , thought Clark as he pulled into the parking lot and eased into a spot. He shifted into park and let out a huge sigh. He had borrowed the Ferrari from Lex - whether it was to boost his confidence or to keep from being recognized he didn't know ... perhaps a little of both. "Okay Clark. You're actually going to do this," he told himself firmly. 

On the walk from the car to the door, Clark thought about the events in his life that had led him to this unexpected moment. Actually, there had been a lot of unexpected moments, he realized, compiling a mental list: 

#1. He never expected to have his parents tell him he was an alien. 

#2. He never expected to fall madly in love. 

#3. He never expected to be gay. Not just 'happy' gay, but Liberace gay. Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay! 

And now this. Clark Kent, small-town farm boy, was about to enter a sex shop - with every intention of _buying_ something. Mom had warned him about Metropolis kids growing up too fast. When he'd moved here six months ago to attend Met U, he didn't believe his mother's warnings. Now, here he was, about to enter "Sextropolis - A Place for Lovers". 

Yep. Clark was definitely growing up too fast. He could still back out ...turn around and pretend like nothing had happened. But, remembering the previous evening's conversation, he knew what he had to do. 

* * *

"Do you think our love life is missing anything?" Lex had said the previous night, as they were getting ready for bed. 

Clark froze. "What brought this on?" he asked warily. 

"Oh, nothing in particular - well, I mean, we've been together for a year or so now ... and I was just was thinking we could ... perhaps ... you know, maybe... add a little spice into our relationship?" Lex said in a carefully calm tone. 

"You did _not_ just use the words 'add a little spice'," Clark said, not believing his ears. "For chrissake, you're a _Luthor_!" 

Lex ignored him. "You know, a lot of couples reach this point. Studies show that it is completely normal for partners to want to try something new." 

_Normal_? thought Clark. _And since when is an alien dating a Luthor deemed "normal"_? "So... did you have someone... in mind?" Clark stammered as he turned away from Lex. 

"What? Someone in ... Clark, no, I ..." Lex sat down behind him on the bed and sounded genuinely surprised. 

"It's that new guy at the plant isn't it? ... What's his name, Lance?" Clark asked, trying his best _not_ to sound like a 14-year-old girl. He had a feeling he wasn't succeeding. 

"Clark, no! You've got it all wrong." Lex placed a hand on Clark's broad shoulder and Clark couldn't help but melt a little under his touch. "I just thought maybe ... maybe you could ... dress up for me?" 

"Dr-- ... _what_?" Clark asked incredulously. 

"Dress up for me ... you know ... like in a costume of some sort ..." Lex replied weakly. Clark wasn't sure he had ever -- _ever_ \-- caught Lex in a weak moment. He looked so much younger suddenly. So _cute_. Almost ... kitten like. Clark couldn't believe his eyes, or his ears for that matter. Also ... was Lex _blushing_? Practically his entire head had taken on a rosy hue. 

"What?" Clark asked again, just to make sure that this was actually happening. 

Lex seemed to be rethinking his request, judging by the way he was avoiding Clark's eyes and biting his lip nervously. "Look, just never mind, forget I brought it up. Let's just go to bed." Lex blurted out quickly, rolling over and getting under the covers. 

"No, no ... if you think we need to make our love life more ... _spicy_ ..." Clark said, stifling a giggle, "then... sure, we'll try playing dress up." His shoulders shaking with contained laughter. The image of himself dressed in a French maid's uniform had taken up permanent residence in his head. 

Lex turned to face him, a small grin on his face. "Really?" 

Clark grabbed Lex's hand and kissed it, then smiled widely at Lex. "Yes. You should know by now that I would do pretty much anything you asked." 

Then, as quickly as he had appeared, kitten-Lex was gone. "Great! So you'll go to the store tomorrow and pick something out?" Lex asked, his confidence obviously fully restored. 

"What? A store? Like, in person? Trying things on for the world to see?" Clark asked, in shock. 

"Yep! If you're gonna be brave enough to wear it, you gotta be brave enough to go in and buy it. Besides, I can't risk being caught by the press at some skeezy sex shop!" Lex explained, as though he was being perfectly reasonable. 

"Gee, thanks." Clark stated sarcastically, "You owe me one Luthor. In fact, not even _just_ one. You might very well be indebted to me for life, and you _know_ that I'm invulnerable, right? So you--" 

Lex cut him off with a full, passionate kiss. Clark knew that Lex's debt was already repaid in full. 

* * *

Clark finally reached the door of the shop. He wasn't sure why he thought parking so far away would be any _less_ embarrassing. _Just get it over with_ , _Kent_ , Clark thought to himself. He pushed his way into the shop and immediately stopped dead in his tracks. 

"Clark Kent!! In a SEX SHOP!" a familiar voice yelled out. Chloe. _What the fuck is she doing here_? Clark's eyes shifted downwards and found the answer immediately. _Oh_. _Buying a vibrator_ , _apparently_ , _and DAMMIT_ , _could this get any worse_? 

"I ... I ... I ..." Clark stammered, shifting his eyes in every direction, trying to focus on anything but Chloe's dropped jaw. _Strap ons_. _Giant inflatable penis_. _Humongous wooden fist_ \- _what the_ \--? Inevitably, his gaze finally settled on Chloe. _Damn_. 

"Let me guess. You and Lex are finally gonna kink it up a notch? What's he into anyway? Stockings and bondage? Get it? Like stocks and bonds?" Chloe dissolved into a fit of laughter. 

"Ha ha ha ... very funny." Clark said tight lipped. _Great_. _Sex shop humour_. 

Chloe's giggles tapered off and she wiped the tears from her eyes, "Sorry, Clark, sorry ... have you ever been ... I mean ... I'm no expert, but do you want any help finding something?" She waved her arm to her left, indirectly indicating a display of nipple clamps. 

Clark's reply was really more of an indiscernible mumble than a sentence composed of actual words. 

"What was that?" Chloe prodded. 

"Uh ... do you have any gum?" Clark tried, desperate to change the subject. 

Chloe opened her purse and began rummaging through it. "Gum ... gum ... nope, but hey! I just bought some of these! Try one!" she exclaimed, handing Clark a bag of candy. Clark read the label: "Gummy Penises". _Well, this can't get any more embarrassing_. 

"I need a costume," Clark finally admitted, handing the unopened bag back to Chloe. "Lex wants me to dress up for him." 

"What'd you have in mind?" she queried. It was obvious to Clark that she was trying her hardest not to laugh again, but as embarrassed as he was, he was unthinkingly grateful for even that small discretion. 

"Um ...Oh god! I don't know! I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you." Clark buried his head in his hands. 

"Okay, come with me," Chloe said calmly. 

She led him to the numerous racks that held all different types of costumes ...firemen, fluffy bunnies, the french maid outfit Clark had envisioned ... 

"No, these are all wrong," Chloe stated thoughtfully, as she grabbed Clark's hand and dragged him to the spandex section. _Who knew_ , thought Clark, _a whole section devoted to spandex_! Clark was beginning to relax a little, aided by Chloe's matter-of-fact manner. Chloe immediately began rifling through the racks and finally emerged clutching a hanger. 

"This is definitely your color! Lex will go mental! But you need something special ... here. Try this." She handed Clark another article of clothing. 

"Are you kidding me?" Now Clark was laughing. 

"What? It's supposed to be fun, right? This is right up his alley, I promise." 

"Sure. Okay. Whatever. Can I go now?" Clark said as he fumbled for his wallet. 

"Yep! It'll be a hit!" Chloe smiled and squeezed Clark's shoulder reassuringly. 

The person behind the till barely looked at Clark as he threw the clothing into a bag and took Clark's money. It surprised Clark, how mundane the job had become to this person, until he realized The clerk must see stuff like this every day. Clark grabbed the bag and headed for the door. 

"Mention this to no one, Chloe! No one!" Clark warned. 

Chloe held her hand over her heart. "Promise. Have fun, Clark!" She started to laugh again. 

* * *

"Clark? Are you ever coming out of there?" Clark heard Lex yelling from the bed. He looked at himself again in the bathroom mirror and blushed furiously. _I knew I should have tried this on in the store_ ... _why does spandex have to be so... tight_? 

"Clark?" Lex called again, a trifle impatiently. 

"In a minute! Don't rush me!" Clark yelled back. 

"Sorry! Just ... you know ... looking forward to it!" Lex sounded almost ... giddy? Clark heard the television blaring the familiar voice of James Earl Jones saying "This is CNN." Clark marveled at how Lex could just switch gears like that -- one second he was waiting for Clark to join him so they could fuck like bunnies, and the next he was watching today's top headlines. Clark shook his head, focused again on his image in the mirror, trying to block out the extremely unsexy sounds from the TV. Now and again a random word made its way through the door. 

"Appointee ...Swastika ... arable ... celosia ... sidewall ..." 

Distracted by the sounds, Clark thoughtlessly opened the bathroom door and headed towards the bed. "Lex, what the hell are you watching?" Clark asked, as he watched the newscaster trying to make some sense of the story. He then looked back at Lex, who was staring at him, wide-eyed. 

"Clark ... I ..." 

Clark suddenly realized that he'd left the bathroom still wearing the ridiculous costume. 

"I know it's silly looking. Chloe made me get this one, I'll just go change," Clark spoke hastily, then spun around, heading back towards the bathroom, his red cape flowing dramatically behind him. 

"Clark! It's perfect. It's amazing. It's ... HOT!" And Lex was back in first gear. The next thing Clark knew, the TV was off and Lex was standing in front of him like he was the one with superspeed, smoothing his hands over Clark's perfectly sculpted muscles, sharply defined under the tight, blue fabric. 

Clark couldn't help but smile, seeing the look on Lex's face. "You like it?" 

Lex's eyes met his. "I love it. Just one question, though ... what does the 'S' stand for?" Lex asked as he fingered the red letter emblazoned on Clark's chest. 

"It stands for ...um. Sextropolis Stud," Clark said in a small voice. It had turned out that the "Sextropolis Stud" was the unofficial mascot of "Sextropolis - A Place for Lovers". According to the tag that had been attached to the costume, it was the Stud's mission in life to make sure that all lovers in the city of Sextropolis were completely satisfied. 

"Mmm ... suits you." Lex said as he moved his hands shifted down to Clark's spandex-clad ass. Clark leaned down and brushed his lips against Lex's, then he kissed him again, more aggressively. He backed Lex up until they were lying on the bed. 

"Help me." 

"What? Lex? What's wrong?" Clark asked, wondering if Lex was trying to include role-playing in his bid to improve their sex life. 

Lex looked up at him. "I didn't say anything. You just stopped kissing me." 

"Help me! No!" The voice was more distinct this time, and it definitely wasn't coming from Lex. 

"Someone's in trouble! I have to go!" Clark blurted, torn between panic and irritation. 

"Hurry back, Stud!" 

* * *

Upon waking the next morning, Clark found Lex in the kitchen perusing the morning edition of the Planet. 

"Clark, grab the scissors for me," Lex ordered. Still half asleep, Clark opened the drawer of the desk in the front hallway, grabbed the scissors and handed them to Lex. 

"Another expose on LuthorCorp you want to put in your scrapbook?" Clark asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. 

"No, I'm sending your mother this picture of you. I'm sure she'll want to put it up on the refrigerator," Lex answered, poising the scissors at the corner of the picture. 

Clark focused his gaze down at the picture of himself dressed as the "Sextropolis Stud" being thanked by the 20-something-year-old victim he had saved from a house fire. 

"She'll be so proud," Lex stated plainly, a smile playing at his lips. "Superman? That's the best Lois Lane could come up with?" "I wasn't about to argue with her. What was I going to do? Tell her what the 'S' actually stood for?" Clark demanded. 

"Good call. You wouldn't want to go around ruining the good name of Sextropolis, I hear they have some kick-ass litigators," Lex replied, continuing to cut out the photo. 

"You. Suck," Clark announced. 

"Get your ass back in that costume, and I just might," Lex smirked. 


End file.
